Jesus Leaves His Sheepfold to Find the One

As I mentioned in my last post,  I have been challenged to consider that God does love me. Besides the fact that He loves everyone, the whole world full of people, past, present and future, and He has loved Israel with a love of a father, a Heavenly Father - still He loves me just for me. I really have a difficult time phathoming that. But in Breaking Free, a study by Beth Moore, she says that if we don't believe that God loves us individually, we are not believing His word, not believing what He said many times through many different people in the Bible. And that is actually the sin of unbelief. ~gulp~

I have been working on getting that deep into my being and have begun keeping a list of Bible verses that tell me that very thing.

But in this journey I have come to realize that I have lived most of my adult life operating under the [silent] assumption that if I do enough for the Lord, then He will love me. And, of course, I've never done enough. Yes, yes, I know, God's love, along with His salvation, is not earned. I've taught that many times and know the verses that say that. My head knew it.

But somewhere deeper than my head I have been working to try and earn His love and favor. And as long as I was in the same church (for over 28 years), I didn't have to confront that misconception that motivated so much of what I did. I mean, there was always someting that needed doing. Always. And afterall, faith without works is dead. Right?

And then there came a time of leaving that which was comfortable, a splitting, tearing away from the old church family and going to a new church. It was a decision lead by God. No question.

This new church has a solid core of people who have been together for many years. Trying to break in to circles and trying to find an avenue to serve has been frustrating. During the adventure of "Breaking Free" I have finally figured out that my frustration is not over any people or any social situation. The frustration is because of ME! I have lost the familiar avenue of service, lost the familiar with which to earn God's love. There, I said it. (and not without embarrassment)

As a result of losing familiar areas of service, I've been feeling useless and unloved. Unloved by the only One whose love ultimately matters.

So, here I am, at a place where I have nothing to DO, nothing to BE for Him, except just to be what I am, broken, lonely, unloveable, and knowing deep down that He has me in this place for a purpose.

That purpose, I believe is to cause me to begin to be confident in His love for me and to let HIM fill those empty places in my life. I was too busy before to notice the empty places. I had relied too long on my efforts to please Him. My efforts. My puny, frail efforts.

No more, I am climbing up on my Father's lap, throwing my arms around His neck and burying my head on his chest. Resting in the knowledge that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more. Or any less.

I am believing that Jesus left the 99 sheep in His care and went for the lost one - that one was also from His sheepfold. And I am the lost one. I'm of His sheepfold and He will come for me in my confusion.

Amen

 

Count Yer Blessings

Back when my 29 year old baby was about 11, I took him, my oldest son, and my oldest's very good friend to Sunshine Christian Music Festival for about 3 days. My youngest and I stayed in a motel room while my oldest camped on the festival grounds with others about his age. We had a great time and saw many greats like Stephen Curtis Chapman, Geoff Moore & the Distance, Whiteheart, etc., etc. My husband could not go with us that year so I braved the masses alone!!

The plan was to attend the last concert on the last night - which is always the biggie - get some sleep and head out the next morning, Sunday. But we all got the itch to head home after the last concert. Since I was the only driver I was dreading the late night, 5 hr. drive home, but was looking forward to my own bed and church the next morning. So we pressed forward. I loaded up with extra caffeinated soda and some No-Doz. My youngest was riding "shot-gun" (as the kids say) and the 2 older ones were VERY quickly asleep in the back part of the mini-van.

I was probably getting grouchy from tiredness and anxiety about the drive-in-the-dark, but my son was just getting started. He'd had lots of fun encounters with musicians and was soon on a roll, telling me every niggling detail. I was trying to be "not mean" but was trying to get him to SHUT-UP so I could concentrate and get us home safely. I (kinda) nicely suggested several times that I needed some quiet, and I needed a break, and I needed him to catch his breath.

You're probably already thinking what I couldn't come up with on my own. That his talking would give me something to think about and would be a tremendous help at that late hour. But I'm pretty dense sometimes. Eventually I heard deep down in my spirit, "His talking could help you." DUH!

So I decided to let 'er rip and we got home safe and sound - with son finally falling asleep about an hour before home.

How often do we, do I forget to be thankful for the blessings that God has placed within our family? Like that trait of your husband's personality that is really starting to annoy you but God meant it to moderate you (i.e. what you call tight-wad might be called thrifty, what you stew over "never expressing his feelings" might be called "steady" or "careful with words"). Or that child that seems so care-free that he never remembers to pick up after himself could actually teach you to slow down and have some fun with him. Or that child that is so much like you that you often butt heads. (That would be my oldest.) Or that mother, that mother-in-law, really anyone who you consider family?

We have so much for which to be thankful if we could learn to focus on the positives and try to minimize the negative. We do the opposite - minimize the positive and focus on the negative. I think that's human nature. That's why we need to lean on the nature of Jesus to help us learn to focus on the right things. I sure wish I had done that more when my kids were still under my wing.

Lord, help us, those of us who claim to be yours, to instruct our children with wisdom and kindness, but also to appreciate their individual personalities. Help us to teach them to channel their energy AND their personalities to serve you better, not changing who you've made them, but using who they are for your glory.

Here is said son, using a "mad skill"! Makes a mama proud
donit? (Don't even ask what his bubble medium is.)